Songs to melt your mind with #1 Show Biz Blues by Fleetwood Mac 

I really didn’t want to create posts out of my current moods but I just couldn’t help myself. The subconscious wants what it wants and I don’t have enough will to overpower it.

A few days ago my 97 year old grandma died. We were always close, but bonded especially during these last two years when I got back from college, mainly to help my mother and recover from a back fracture. My grandmother’s heath also kept getting worse during that time. Dementia krept up on her always cheerful and witty mind, high blood sugar levels lead to a few falls which lead to a broken leg she couldn’t recover from and was bedridden for the last two years of her life.

For those two years every time I heard this song I thought of her. How crushingly lonely she must be, as lonely as she was helpless. Left to the iffy mood of one of her many caretakers we employed,, none taking the right amount of time effort and respect taking care of her. We would let them have part of Sundays and if something came up I would replace them for 10 12 hours if they couldn’t work that day.

Try and imagine spending 95 years helping everyone in your village raising 5 children, two of which are not even your own, a widow for 45 years and all you got is one grandson spoon feeding you a few times a week, the only one who still saw in you a living being and not just a thing to clean and feed as fast as you can.

Every time Peter Green, one of the greatest blues artists, Sings, tell me anybody do you really give a damn about me, I can’t help but remember her, a former pillar of strength and support for so many, an embodiment of pious hard work and dedication, reduced to a bedridden shadow of her former self remembering less and less by the minute, staring at the cross in her room and not asking herself the same thing again and again.

Listen to the song, it’s brutally naked loneliness, and if someone crosses your mind please, visit them, make them feel like the most interesting person in the world for at least and hour.

Sorry for indulging in naive and sentimental nostalgia but I can’t help it damn it all, I miss my grandma.

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